I recently read a Facebook post from a member of a group I’m in that stopped me in my tracks. The member stated she was experiencing loneliness and asked if other members were dealing with this issue and used the group as a coping mechanism. In a moment’s time, a number of strangers rose together to acknowledge their own battles and offer solidarity and strength. I didn’t answer, but I read every comment. It hit home because I, too, was battling with loneliness. This stranger’s post touched me. It made me stop, acknowledge, and reconsider my own inner turmoil.
This is not the first episode. I naturally tend to be a loner. I keep to myself. I’m a homebody. Groups are not my thing. I enjoy moments of solitude, especially if fuzzy blankets are involved. However, I’m not alone. I have a family that keeps me busy. I have awesome friends that I can reach out to at the drop of a hat. My babies are with me 24/7. No, I’m not lonely, but I FEEL lonely. That is how the problem starts. We fall into the trap of how we feel and drown in our own unacknowledged solitude of melancholy. It’s a trap, so don’t make it home.
It’s this cry of loneliness that is rarely heard at the beginning of a heartache. It’s usually seen once a person has spiraled down to a dark place of depression. It’s the loneliness that’s physical, emotional, or psychological that plays against reality. It makes us feel like life is against us. Circumstances feel unbearable and magnified. Silence is loud and deafening. Tears are hot and often lead to sobs of pity. Sometimes we cry and not know why we are crying. Sounds like depression? Yes, but it’s not. Loneliness is one of those side roads we find ourselves on that often lead to depression. It’s OK to be alone. We need to be alone sometimes. However, living in loneliness is not healthy. The quicker we navigate this path, the better.
I will never forget that Sunday morning I realized my body was terminating a surprise pregnancy. I had only received that positive pregnancy test a few days prior. I was planning a surprise announcement for the hubby, so he didn’t even know yet. It was thirty minutes before musician’s practice and I was an emotional wreck. I quickly took another pregnancy test and noticed how faint the lines were.
That was the hardest drive to church I have ever made. It was an even harder task to go through practice, worship service, and after service fellowship with my poker face intact. That feeling of grief left me in a lonely state of mind. I was surrounded by people who loved me and would have wept with me, but I chose to keep it to myself. There has been many instances of loneliness I’ve endured: the loss of my father; not having a lifelong best friend who just gets me; being overwhelmed with life responsibilities; disappointments that noone is aware of; and the list can continue. We all face these types of challenges and disappointments. We just can’t stay there.
I will admit that I prefer to keep my feelings to myself, but I respected the woman in that group for being open. Loneliness is rarely noticed without someone pointing it out. I realized that, sometimes, getting over a struggle is not about breaking the cycle. Most days it’s about keeping our head above the waves. That requires us to keep moving, keep treading water, until we can rest in safety before the next wave comes. Some days we need to make our cry louder so that others can recognize our plight and be the support we need.
The days you feel forgotten. The life moments that seem empty. The room void of your heartfelt laughter. These are the times to remember your support group and those with a listening ear. Keep connected to that friend who has a shoulder to cry on. Confide in someone trustworthy. Volunteer in a cause you seem worthy. Do something that boosts morale. Whatever you do, just don’t quit and stay trapped. Seek help. Accept help. One day you, too, will be someone’s support and recognize their cry for help.